It seems as though I've always been somebody outside looking in, but don't believe there's all there is to see, you'll never know the real me...
I'm not sure if you all know by now, but c'mon, it's kind of obvious I'm gay. I'm not even sure why I even like men, men are trash. But they sure have something that I really dig😂
Sexuality has nothing to do with one's profession. Or, at least it shouldn't. That is, until you start feeling ostracized in a group of people "just like you". That happened to me a few months ago: I was an outsider looking in.
It's lonely at the top, or so they say. I had never felt such isolation in my life, I had never felt as ostracized as I did on this occasion, until this point. I don't blame myself, it's the path I chose, it's the path God chose for me: to serve as an Accountant.
Don't get me wrong, I feel perfectly accepted by my colleagues. When I was in uni, I never heard anyone refer to me or any other gay person by a derogatory term. Well... there was one professor, whose old-fashioned views on sexuality were product of her studies in Canon Law. She's a Roman Catholic, for Heaven's sake! Who, in this day and age, is a Roman Catholic??????
No shade towards Catholics. I am a practicing Catholic, I just miss A LOT of practice.
In the profession, I have never felt that my sexuality was a problem. For starters, I'm not yelling it out for everyone to hear at an office. But when the topic does arise in conversation, it is always accepted or respected, in the very least. Not sure if the receptionist at my first Accountant job was on board with the idea or maybe even the boss man (at the time) noticed it. Although he did look at me as if I were a threat🤷🏻♂️
My coworkers said I was a crazy b*tch, but this crazy b*tch ain't wrong about that. I know the boss man was not a fan, even though he never openly said it.
Whether the boss or the receptionist approved of my preferences, I didn't give a f**k. My sexuality is not an indication of whether or not I can do my job. If I have proved something time and time again about homosexuals is that we get sh*t DONE!
Thank God for the existence of the Queen of the Gays, Jennifer Coolidge😍
I have always felt the need to be recognized for my work. Life isn't easy when you're not a cis-hetero male with Caucasian features. Obviously, bearing this in mind, I feel a need to prove that I can do anything a cis-hetero male with Caucasian features can. I feel the need to prove that I can do sh*t better than him/them! Homosexuals, historically, had always been sidelined and silenced.
Now, let's see the other side of the coin. I've never been an LGBTQ+ activist or anything, although I am proud to be a part of the community. I've never spoken out in favor of the community, nor have I ever spoken against it. I am a neutral gay. I have never been to pride, and the number of homosexual friends I have is small.
I've never felt I belong 100% in the community, and maybe I can attribute that to my profession, which is governed by the men in grey suits. No offense to current or previous employers, but being a homosexual Accountant is like being a homosexual in the United States Army: Don't ask, don't tell.
Accountancy is not a gay friendly profession, like any health-related profession. All of the health related careers have tons of gays, and it is widely accepted to have a gay health professional. Accountancy is a profession for which you should preferably be in the closet. It would have been unacceptable for me to arrive at my graduation wrapped in a pride flag, it would be unacceptable for me to arrive at my office building on the arm of some dashing young man. In Accountancy, you must be very discreet. Your rainbow must not be seen or heard, just like in the U.S. Army...
As I said, it's not like I'm going to yell it around the office, but if it does come up, I have no problem with disclosing my sexual preference. It's the rest of the world that has a problem. That's why one is very discreet. I went back into the closet at work, the glass closet. Everyone knows, but no one talks about it, because it is wrong to do so.
That's why when I went out with my gay best friend David a back in February to a renowned local gay bar, I felt like a fish out of water. I had previously been referred to as "a character", a diva, a very flamboyant person. But, honey, you didn't see these gays I went out with. They are quite something.
Not gonna lie, I was asking David this very question all night:
That night, I channeled my inner Jennifer Coolidge from The White Lotus.
After mingling and not understanding the endless Drag Race references, not knowing who Kenia Os is (I still don't know her, I pulled a Mariah Carey on this hoochie), and an infinity of pop culture references I should technically know because I am gay, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have as much fun as I expected to have, because, well... I was an outsider looking in. I wholeheartedly became Accountant Barbie, with a huge problem: Too gay for the accountants, too accountant for the gays.
Carrying out a profession and being a homosexual should not be mutually exclusive. Maybe the solution to all of this is for me to go out into the gay community, make an effort to fit in and try being an active part of the community. But this leaves me thinking to what point would this be acceptable for the men in grey suits? This is a delicate balance I must experiment with for now, while I am still the men in grey suits' b*tch (as in, being employed by them). Maybe someday, when I have my own independent practice, I may be able to fully embrace the community. I wish that when the time comes, my firm is an inclusive space where my employees can feel they can be themselves without hiding it from the world for fear of being judged and sidelined🏳️🌈❤️
Lord, I pray, that in my lifetime there will come a time when we all can open up our hearts and minds and see we're all the same inside. Won't you bring that dream to life?
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